Bed, Bath, and BEYOND

Ever wonder what the 'Beyond' actually means?

I always assumed as a young teenager that the ‘Beyond’ referred to a secret and sexy passageway, through which one would find the erotic accessories adults coveted while alone in the previous rooms in question. Whenever I accompanied my parents to the triple B’s, I always ventured out on my own in search of this arousing Atlantis.

One day, I found a door clearly deterring customers from entering. I burst through with the awkward exhilaration of an overstimulated adolescent. I was finally going to achieve my masculine maturation via our consumption economy. God bless America! I rounded the corner only to find two overweight Bed & Bath staff making out in the employee lounge.

So there you have it. The ‘Beyond’ refers to the circumstantial sexual suppression of America's youth. Also, see the Church, Michelle Bachmann and too much Indian food.